Involvement in dispute and conflict is considered by our Sages to be a biblical prohibition as learned from this week’s parsha, “And one shall not be like Korach and his group.” The famous medieval Talmudic commentator and halachist, Rabeinu Asher wrote: “Do not remain in a state of dispute with your friend for even one day. And (rather) humble yourself before him and be the first to ask for forgiveness.” So let’s use the opportunity to consider some sage advice on how to stay away from disputes.
1. “Never stop seeking friends and people who will love you. Do not minimize [the danger posed by even] one antagonistic person.” (Orchot Chaim 90)
2. “Do not get angry about trivial matters against any person, lest you gather enemies [i.e. antagonistic people] for no reason.” (Ibid 107)
3. “Do not refuse the [requests of the] members of your city. Nullify your will before the will of others.” (ibid 119)
4. “One should strive to never get angry. Bear embarrassment and don’t return it. Forgive one who sins against you. Whoever gets angry—if he is a scholar, he will lose his wisdom; if he is a prophet, he will lose his prophecy; if he was destined for a high office, he will lose that. Getting angry is like idol worship. It makes the Shechinah (divine presence) worthless in the person’s eyes. Whoever forgoes his anger is forgiven for all his sins.” (Rabbi Abuhav)
5. “Do not quarrel with anyone without cause, if he did you no harm.” (proverbs 3:30)
6. “A man of wrath stirs up quarrels, but he who is slow to anger abates strife.” (ibid 15:18)
7. “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” (ibid 16:24)
8. “A gentle reply turns away wrath, but a distressing word stirs up anger.” (ibid 15:1) Often, the same response can bring either resolution or conflict. It all depends on the tone of voice.
9. “A passerby who becomes embroiled in a quarrel that is not his is like one who grabs a dog by its ears.” (ibid 26:17) It’s bad enough that we have our own arguments; certainly we should not mix into someone else’s.
The second Holy Temple was destroyed because of the sin of baseless hatred. Let us use the opportunity to remedy this blemish and increase in our baseless love for others in accordance with the verse: ‘[The Torah’s] ways are pleasant, and all its paths are peace,’
Shabbat Shalom!